You and I shared something wonderful and I never want to forget that. I fell in love with you, but more than that, meeting you made me realize what true love really means. For the past two and a half years, I've been staring at every full moon and remembering everything we've been through together. I remember how talking to you that first day felt like coming home.
There's so much more, too. When I close my eyes, I see your face. When I walk, it's almost as if I can feel your hand in mine. Those things are real to me, but where they once brought me comfort, now they leave me with ache. I understood your reason for leaving, and I respected your decision. I still do, but we both know our relationship changed after that. We changed, and in your heart, I think you realized it, too. Maybe the time apart was too much, maybe it was just our different worlds. I don't know. Somehow, even though we still loved each other, we lost that magical bond that kept us together.
I'll understand if you never want to talk to me again, just as I'll understand if you hate me. Part of me hates me, too. Writing this forces me to acknowledge that, and when I look in the mirror, I know I'm looking at someone who isn't sure she deserves to be loved at all. I mean that.
Even though you may not want to hear it, I want you to know that you'll always be a part of me. In our time together, you claimed a special place in my heart, one I'll carry with me forever and that no one can ever replace. You're the first man I ever truly loved and no matter what the future brings, you will always be, and I know that my life is better for it.

I loved you, I really did. I loved the way your eyes reached into my soul, the way your smile made me smile.
I loved the way your fingers ran through my body. I loved the way when you smiled your dimples got so big, but so adorable. I loved the way that when you holded me it's like nothing else matters. I loved the way your hand always seems to find mine. I loved the way when you got mad you got a little wrinkle in your forehead. I loved the way your words touched my heart in only a way that can be described as love. I loved the way you holded my hand and kissed me.
But mostly I just loved you.

♥ I held him close to me with my eyes closed, wondering if anything in my life had ever been this perfect and knowing at the same time that it hadn't.
I was in love, and the feeling was even more wonderful than I ever imagined it could be ♥

I miss you so much it hurts.

♥ And when his lips met mine, I knew that I could live to be a hundred and visit every country in the world, but nothing would ever compare to that single moment when I first kissed the man of my dreams and knew that my love would last forever ♥

You remembered me of him, strong and kind, confident… in your own way. You even look like him.
He and I met in the subway platform just like you and I met. Like you, he carried a handkerchief. I was very sick at that time and he take care of me, like you did. As you and I got to know each other, I felt the clog begins to lift a little bit. I thought it was the similarities between you and him, and so, I decided that you and I would do everything he and I done; that way, it would almost like he never died and the pain would stop.
Because on our 33rd day together, he bought me a rose, I ask you to do the same. Because he and I planned our future under this tree, I chose it for you and I as well. Because he and I had a favorite restaurant, I bought you there. Because he died in the ocean, I pushed you to go in and then saved you.
All of those was crazy and selfish and wrong, I know, but grief can make us crazy. Anyway, it didn’t work and at certain point I realized I didn’t like you because of him, I liked you because I like you. And every time I started to be happy, I would stop myself. It felt wrong to be happy; it felt wrong to let go and just forget about him, even for just a minute. It felt I was betraying him. All I can do was hurt you, and that’s not me, that’s not me at all. And someday I hope I can show you as much.
Something has to be done. In order for us to have a chance in the future, I have to make a break with the past and for this I needed time. I hope I heal while we’re apart, and sit with you while reading this. But if I'm not, it's not because I don’t love you, because I do. It's not because I don’t miss you, because I miss you already. It just means that I’m not better and the story isn’t over yet.

♥ I have no idea where you are out in the world and I understand that I lost the right to know these things a long time ago. So I just hope that you're safe, wherever you are, and that you're happy. And I hope that on a night like tonight, you still think of me. And so I want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter where you are in the world, no matter how many years go by, no matter if you say it back or not, I know it's as true as it ever was, as it always will be.
I love you ♥